


Enceinte

by Liviania



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Crack, F/M, I'm not sure if this is a trick or treat, Mpreg, The next tag is a spoiler
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-31
Updated: 2014-10-31
Packaged: 2018-02-22 06:39:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2498270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Liviania/pseuds/Liviania
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jake and Amy are having a baby!  The precinct reacts.</p><p>(Very, very cracky.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Enceinte

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Raven (singlecrow)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/singlecrow/gifts).



"How ... did this happen?" asked Captain Holt. His mother, Her Honor, might have noticed the small furrow between his brows, but Jake and Amy were oblivious.

"You see, when a lady cop and a man cop love each other very much," Jake started while Amy nervously twisted her hands together.

"We need paternity leave!" she interrupted. "We'll train whoever covers for us in the department and be on call for any paperwork—"

"She'll be on call for any paperwork," interjected Jake.

"And anything you need, sir, just no fieldwork."

"I understand," said Captain Holt. "Fill out these forms in blue or black ink. I suppose felicitations are in order."

"Thank you, sir," said Amy, bowing nervously.  Jake bumped her with his shoulder.

"You can be like the grandfather, sir," he said.

"Get out of my office."

"Yes, sir. Thanks again, sir."

* * *

Terry didn't say much. They supposed he was still processing it. But when the sonogram showed that the baby was going to be a girl, he dropped off a few boxes of diapers, the sweetest little outfits Amy had ever seen, and enough toys for an army of children.

"What does this one do?" asked Jake, picking up something made of bright red and purple plastic. His finger brushed a button, and the whole thing lit up and started playing a tinny version of "Dem Bones." "Look at this! It plays that song I made up to remember mobsters' girlfriends!" He walked off, singing something about cheating with a younger sister.

Amy and Terry stared after him. "Does he really think he made that song up?" asked Terry.

"I'm pretty sure he does."

* * *

Boyle fainted when they told him. He then proceeded to bake enough food for a week. He promised to deliver more every Monday, because he knew the baby needed special nutrition and that they would be busy as new parents. "I made a brussels sprouts and asparagus pie for Wednesday," he said. "I'm really excited about that one! It's high in folic acid, which is important for the baby. And the smooth, mushy texture is a real delight."

"Thanks, Boyle," Amy said faintly.

"Sounds delicious," said Jake, making no effort (as usual) to hide his sarcasm.

"Anything for you, my beautiful, glowing friend!"

* * *

Rosa laughed herself sick. "I'm not baby-sitting, so don't even ask."

"Every fourth Friday it is!" Jake replied.

Rosa glared at him. "Every fifth. You're paying me. Cash."

* * *

Gina brought them a wool blanket emblazoned with the image of a wolf.

"Wow, Gina, this is really nice. I didn't expect you to get us anything," said Amy, honestly touched.

"Yeah, well, Jake's an old friend. Plus, I maybe feel a teensy weensy bit bad about riling up that old witch and Jake leaping in front of the curse for me."

"You should!" Jake yelled from the couch, where he was laying back and eating brussels sprouts and asparagus pie by the pie-tin load.

"I mean, I didn't know she could really cast a curse, y'know," said Gina, making a vague gesture with her hands. "She had red hair. Witches don't have red hair! But I don't feel too bad, because, c'mon, you know you're happy that Jake is the pregnant one. It's really nice of you not to leave him to fend for himself as a single mother."

Amy grinned. "No way he could handle it without me."

**Author's Note:**

> I was inspired by their cute banter in The Jimmy Jab Games.


End file.
